If you look up the definition of motherhood in a dictionary (I know, totally old school right?) you get this “the state or experience of having and raising a child”.
That is it! A 10 word sentence! I literally laughed out loud. Obviously the dictionary, and its authors, have never had a child, nor have they experienced the trials and tribulations of raising crazy little terrorists with pistol fingers and tantrums that vaguely resemble a mini King Kong.
Alright I’m being harsh; terrorists may be over exaggerating, if we just shorten that to little terrors it is more accurate and probably more acceptable in our very sensitive society. Laugh with me people, that was a joke! No need to freak out just yet.
So after laughing out loud at the terribly ambiguous definition that my trusty old dictionary has given motherhood, I began to think about what motherhood really means. The dictionary did not give it justice so now I must do so.
Let’s make a list shall we, lists are fun right?
- Motherhood means that you will constantly be yelling unopened and completely ridiculous threats. Nothing gets a toddler to clean up his mess better than threatening to drop his prized blanket into the trashcan full of moldy leftovers.
- Motherhood means pulling your hair out all day long because the kids will not stop fighting but then secretly cuddling them while they are asleep because they look so peaceful and innocent.
- Motherhood means answering five million unrelated, irrelevant questions every day until the kids hit puberty and suddenly decide they hate you and refuse to speak.
- Motherhood means secretly filming your kids as they discuss the ins and outs of what their poop looked like today and how a dinosaur ate them in their dreams (but they didn’t die.)
- Motherhood means realizing you have to teach a tiny human how to do things like use a spoon and wipe their butt.
- Motherhood means saying things you never dreamed you would say before your children came along. Like “Child! We do not eat our knee scabs!” “I don’t care if you think it tastes good, it’s disgusting!”
- Motherhood means worrying uncontrollably about how you are effectively going to prevent your child from being a stupidly dumb teenager. Drugs, sex, bad taste in music! The list goes on!
- Motherhood means checking on your children ten times a night to make sure they’re breathing. You thought this stage ended after infancy but you’re wrong! For all of you who still check your 3, 5, 15 year olds, you know what I mean.
- Motherhood means putting on a movie, or three, in the morning just so you can sleep in a little longer.
- Motherhood means not being able to figure out how to show love more than you already do. The feeling of loving your children so much that you just need to do or say something more but there is not really much more you can do other than squish them tighter in endless hugs and kisses.
- Motherhood means learning which screams mean broken arm and which ones mean brother just stole a toy and chucked it across the yard.
- Motherhood means teaching your child that if they do not say please and thank you then that yummy ice cream cone is going directly in the trash.
- Motherhood means stepping over your child and continuing to shop as they wriggle in full-blown fit mode on the dirty Target floor.
- Motherhood means mostly saying no to every request known to man. No you may not have candy! No you may not punch the cat! No you may not move out when you turn 4!
- Motherhood means getting use to plates full of food sitting in front of your “starving” child. Apparently plain chicken is just too spicy for a toddlers advanced pallet.
- Motherhood means never being able to go to a movie EVER again.
- Motherhood means never being able to go out to eat EVER again.
- Motherhood is distracting a child during a meltdown with the idea that he should go try to find that green elephant you just saw wander into the backyard.
- Motherhood is telling yourself you will make all homemade baby food and then buying it all at the store for twice as much.
- Motherhood is having a dirty house, dirty kids and a dirty self. One of these days you’ll be able to shower, probably…
- Motherhood is loving bedtime because it means you finally get to watch criminal minds while gorging out on sea salt caramel truffle ice cream (it’s the best! Wal-Mart in case you were wondering.)
- Motherhood means you are always exhausted. If you tell me you sleep well with babies, toddlers, kids or young adults in your house I will laugh in your face and leave. I don’t believe you! You’re lying! You’re probably so delirious from lack of sleep; you just don’t know what you’re even saying anymore. I get it, you’re forgiven.
- Motherhood means you have an amazing life.
Kids are difficult but the best difficult in the whole wide world. I know this post was mostly funny but let’s take a moment to be serious.
What would I be without my kids? Nothing! They are my everything and I would do anything for them. I mean seriously, I wipe their butts for crying out loud. How many people do you know who would wipe your butt? That’s right, pretty much just your mother.
Motherhood is so much more than simply having and raising a child. It is full of everything good, bad and ugly all rolled into one big ball that just keeps getting bigger as life goes on.
What does motherhood mean to you?